Late-Night Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's prominent hosts devoted the airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration program, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... spoils all he touches."

Colbert's target was the new plan that enables international nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, with a "platinum" version for five million. The program's website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A brief thought for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, requiring large costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval numbers during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a effort to address affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.